If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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