Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
