the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
