yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
FUCK WHALES
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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