if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
