so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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