So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
