I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
