As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
