Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am one with the molecules
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
