u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
