just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
