he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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