is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
