Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
