she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
vagina is talking i cant
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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