I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
