i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
