either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
