he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
