my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
