Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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