is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
