Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
