We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
