There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
