I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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