Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
