I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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