tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
