the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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