it hurts more in the daytime
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
