Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
