So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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