goodnight i made you a song goodbye
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
