3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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