Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
