singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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