I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
