I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
