I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Everything about him screamed your future.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
