I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
