I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
