When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
