I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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