I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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