My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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