You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
