Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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