i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she peed on how many people?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
